What does it mean to have a stink bomb on your iPhone? Or a whoopee cushion?
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BURLINGAME, Calif. -- Shotguns and Scotch. Strippers and sports cars. These are among the many things kids should never play with. Then there are the things kids are supposed to have: nerf toys, dolls, and Legos.
The real fun, of course, is in that in-between categry. It includes stupidly sugary candy and edgy comic books, wrist rockets and water balloons, whoopee cushions and stink bombs. It's the kind of stuff parents and teachers confiscate with a stern shake of the finger, before chuckling to themselves as they tuck away yet another tool for adolescent mischief.
And that's just the sort of thing that has flooded the phone market, as smart phone makers compete to distribute applications built by third-party developers. That's in part because Apple and other carriers have done such a thorough job of locking out the most dangerous applications--the equivalent of shotguns and scotch. Apple, for example, doesn't allow applications to put pornography on the iPhone. Period.
Racy or raw applications that are clearly inappropriate for any 13-year old, such as "400 Pickup Lines" or "Amateur Surgeon"--a gruesome game that allows you to operate on your friends virtually--can be locked out of the phone thanks to the iPhone's simple parental controls. But that leaves a wide-open market for applications that are just, well, annoying, turning the iPhone's App Store into a virtual novelty shop.
To be sure, there are some applications that are neither racy nor annoying, but would just be plain weird in the hands of a small child. If your 8-year-old has downloaded, say, Mocha's VNC Lite so she can access the command line on her PC anytime, anywhere, well, that's weird. (Of course, if you catch her using this one, you'd probably better pack a bit more money into her college fund, because she's surely heading for Cal Tech.)
Most of what you'll find, however, will remind you of yourself at a younger age. There are applications that aid in practical jokes, such as the iPhone's "Illusions Scream." There are a host of applications that stimulate the sound of flatulence. There is digital beer and a virtual shotgun.
The worst? "Rimshot and Crickets." If you find yourself humming too much Fleetwood Mac, your teen can let you know how much he appreciates your musical talent by quickly activating the sound of crickets chirping or a quick drum roll followed by a cymbal crash. Let's just say it's not the kind of application you want to hear all day, every day. Or at all during a particularly moving sermon by Father Finbar.
And if the kids are getting on your nerves without the aid of a phone? Payback is just a download away, thanks to the fact that teens can hear certain high-pitched sounds that adults can't (blame that Motley Crue concert back in '87). Just download "Annoy-a-teen," select an annoying sound, and let them have it.
Enjoy.
(Brian Caulfield, Forbes.com)
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